The Breath of God
by Mirrordance
Summary: The first Weiß fic I ever posted... When Ken dies, he is given the rare chance to live again as any one of his friends...
1. Default Chapter

"The Breath of God"

part 1

_a__ Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance_

don't own anyone.

_Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…_

_Ken's P.O.V.___

      I took a bad hit.  Just one, single hit, but it hurt like blazes and I think it might have been killing me, if I hadn't decided to take things into my own hands.

      The mission wasn't as easy as what we've been getting lately.  Nothing comparable to Takatori and Schwartz, but it's not exactly a breeze either.

      As usual, it was the four of us against the world, and none of those men I was fighting missed my sore spot.  I could see the gleam of triumph in their eyes as they took advantage of my weakness, and even more elation when I sank to my knees and was no longer able to fend off their blows.

      "Ken!" 

      That was Omi hollering, and in my mind's eye I could see him pausing from his own fight to go take a look over his shoulder at mine, or anyone else's.  It's a talent, I think, for your mind to be in one place and your heart in another.  He always seemed to know if one of us was in trouble.

      It happened sooner than I could think.  There was a gun to my back, and the wielder was telling my friends to either surrender, or I get the bullet.

      There was ominous silence then.

      "Don't--" I pleaded brokenly, before getting the butt of a gun on my face.

      My friends, bless them and curse them, laid down their weapons and raised their empty hands slowly.

      "What are you doing?!" I heard myself yell, and it was a desperate sound laced with hysteria.  "They'll kill us anyway! Stop! STOP!" I begged and begged and placed everything I had into those cries.  "You are not going to die because of me, understand?!"

      They weren't looking at me anymore, which was a positive sign that they heard me.  But they didn't want to heed to that.  It reminded me of how much we've changed, the four of us.  It started with wary strangers, and now we were friends to risk our lives for each other.  It reminded me also of a similar situation some time ago, when Omi was in trouble and Yoji and I wouldn't leave without him.

      Now I'm wishing we had stayed strangers.

      Now I know how Omi felt, as he watched us come back for him, then get shot down.

      The four of us were on the ground, on our knees by now.  I still had the gun to my back, and the more skilled of the hired thugs that were sent to dispose of us after we killed their boss surrounded our team in a lose circle.

      It was going to be a massacre.

      That was when I realized I didn't want to die.  I always thought I wouldn't mind, but now that it was here, my mind kept flashing towards the bright sun shining down in a vast field of grass.  Like a quick slide-show I saw bits and pieces of the good things in my life.  There was the comfort of the flower shop.  And though I complained a lot, I actually liked the female presence there.  I saw my apartment.  It was always a mess, but I loved coming home to it.  The neighborhood kids' faces also came to mind, the way they looked after winning a game that I had coached, blind admiration in their eyes for Ken-niichan, something I wasn't very used to.  Then there were my friends, who were going to die with me today because they're so fucking stupid.

      The man who was holding the gun against me, I heard him chuckle.  There was pure evil there, pure glee.  It gave me more fear and regret than the thought of losing my life, or my friends dying.

      And I should have known that was because he was going to give me a bargain that would make me lose my soul instead.

      Someone slapped a gun into my slack hands.

      I looked at him blankly, wondering what the heck I was supposed to do with the thing, if not shoot their brains out, which was of course, out of the question as the gun on my back suddenly increased its pressure.

      "Lock and load, kid" the man said behind me.  I could hear his smile.

      "This is how it works," he said, "you kill them, I spare your life.  You don't, I blow you away right here and now.  So raise the gun.  You're all going to die anyway, like you said.  But I'll give _you a chance to live."_

      It sickened me.  It really did.

      But I prepared the gun.  I raised my arm, and somehow it wasn't shaking.  I've made my decision.  At this proximity, I would be shooting Omi at point-blank-range.

      Except I wasn't shooting him.

      I dropped the gun practically on the palm of his hand.  I made sure I gave the gun to him, as he was the marksman.

      There was a moment's hesitation.  His, and the men's.

      Two shots rang through.

      I heard the thump of the man behind me as he fell to the ground, though I hadn't heard my own.  I was swallowed by an incredible black, and for a moment I thought that was what dying was like, until I realized I was encased in Yoji's arms, which had caught me, and the darkness was his coat.

      The first shot, I'm sure, went through the man's head, as Omi's skill was undeniable.  The second went through my back, as the dead man's hands tightened on the trigger.

      I couldn't breathe, and I attributed this to two things: first, that I was dying.  Second, Yoji was clinging to me so tightly, as if believing that if he held on long enough, I wouldn't slip away.

      I've heard some things about death.  Fantastic light at the end of a long tunnel, or maybe the feeling of flight as you leave your body.  It, for me, was none of those things.  It was a moment of perfect clarity before seemingly eternal darkness.

      I could see, from over Yoji's shoulder how the fight has progressed.

      Omi, he was crouched on the floor, making inhumanly accurate use of the bullets on the gun I gave him.  Ran, he somehow got his sword back, and was moving in a blur of black and red, like poetry.

      Then it was over.

      There was just the four of us left, and soon it would just be the three of them.

      Omi was looking at me with sadness in his eyes.  And tears.  Omi always had a lot of those.  Ran, on the other hand, wasn't crying at all.  At least, from what little I could see of his face.  His head hung low, gaze averted from me though I knew he was watching from the corner of his eyes, as he always did when he pretended disinterest.  I couldn't see Yoji's face.  And though I could no longer feel the pain of my wounds, there was an acute, poignant feeling of warm wetness on my shoulder, where he rested his face and the corners of his sunglasses pressed annoyingly against my flesh.

      Then _I _was over.


	2. The Breath of God 2

"The Breath of God"

part 2

_a__ Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance_

don't own anyone.

_Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…_

_Ken's P.O.V.___

      I didn't know how long I've been awake when I suddenly realized someone was with me, wherever I was.

      I turned my head to the side, where I felt the distinct presence.  It struck me as odd that I wasn't surprised to find an honest-to-goodness man with wings there.  He was sitting on something I couldn't see--and not because my view was obscured because there really wasn't anything there! I looked at what I was lying on and I couldn't see it either!

      The two of us were in an eerily quiet place.  Thin threads of what looked to be smoke drifted around in the grayness, like being inside fog or a dark cloud.

      He was about my age, and was a funny-looking angel, if indeed he was.  No blond hair nor blue eyes.  Pallid skin, midnight hair, midnight eyes.  He was wearing a white robe almost the color of his skin, and his wings were folded on his back.  He looked thoughtful, sitting there, smoking a cigarette.

      "Finished looking?" he asked, turning to me with wry amusement on his chiseled face.  If he was Weib, we would have even more women at the shop.

      I sat up, found that there was no pain and considered his question.

      "Aren't you supposed to be staying away from those?" I nodded to the cigarette.

      "I'm not perfect," he said with a grin.

      "Isn't indulgence a sin?" I asked, couldn't resist it.

      He just shrugged, got up from his invisible seat and walked towards me.  I was hoping he'd float and give me something to be fascinated about, though.

      "So…ah…" how should I phrase this question?

      "Are you taking me to heaven or hell?"

      He puffed on his cigarette again.  It didn't seem to be shrinking.  

      "That's the complicated part"

      That made me nervous.  To be considered as a candidate headed for hell, I mean.  Sure, my profession wasn't exactly a saint's, but I couldn't believe I was evil.

      "I'm that bad, huh?" I asked, hoping he'd say no.

      "It's not that," he said, "you aren't even supposed to be dead yet"

      This surprised and irritated me.  I mean, these guys have been arranging the fate of the universe for all eternity and they still manage to make mistakes like this?!

      "So what am I doing here?" I asked testily.

      "It happens once in every few hundred years," he explained with an apologetic smile, "angel-in-training gets first mission botched"

      "You got me botched?" I asked flatly.

      His face actually flushed as he laughed.  "No, no.  Not me.  I'm the clean-up guy.  I'm supposed to fix everything for you."

      "How?" I asked, keeping my excitement in check.  Was I going to get my life back?

      His brows furrowed.  "It's not what you're thinking"

      I was irritated that he could read my mind, but not as irritated over what he said next.

      "Your body is dead," he said quietly, "I'm going to help you find another"

      I gaped at him.

      "What we do is take his or her soul, place yours in exchange." he told me, "It might seem like a weird process, but it has been what was always done.  We take our list of those who should have gone before you, and you can take your pick out of them"

      Take my pick? His or her?

      "Who are you working for?!" I blurted, wondering about a god who could think of such a brutal contingency plan.

      "Ken," he said patiently, "you know in your heart who I work for.  And it may seem unfair, but the fact is, you shouldn't have died yet.  As a matter of fact, you're supposed to be the last of your friends to.  You've a bright future ahead of you.  Children.  A wife"

      "What was I supposed to do?" I asked, "let those men kill my friends?!"

      "They wouldn't have been killed" said the angel, "none of you would have been, if you waited.  Ran had a plan"

      "Doesn't he always" I said, crossing my arms over my chest.  It seemed inane and more than a little materialistic, but it irritated me that Ran's plan would have been successful and mine wasn't as good nor as effective.

      "But what's done is done, and you were willing to sacrifice yourself for others" said the angel, "As the Lord said, there is no greater love than to give one's life for one's friends.  So anyway, we have to find you a body now.  When we make the exchange, you wouldn't remember any of this"  
      "Then what's the point, if I won't be who I once was?" I asked.

      "Trust me," he said, "you would still get everything that was destined to be yours"

      I closed my eyes in thought.  This was too much, too fast, too brutal.  

      "But I don't want to deprive anyone of their life," I said in a thin voice.

      "You wouldn't be," he promised, "as I said, they are destined to die before you"

      I ran my hands through my hair, thinking about grass and sun-drenched fields and the flower shop and my room.  My life was just starting to come together again when it was suddenly taken away from me.

      "What do I have to do?"

      He gave me a list, and what I found there, made me hesitate again.

      It contained eight names, all of them familiar to me.  

      Ran Yoji, Omi.  Sakura, Yuriko, Aya-chan, Manx and Birman.

      My mind reeled.  If I agreed, I would _take one of those lives…_

      "I don't understand," I said, "I know all of these people"

      "They are the only ones you are allowed to replace" he said, "they know you, you know them.  The transition wouldn't be as difficult as with a stranger"

      I laughed nervously.  "This is a test, isn't it?"  
      He looked at me blankly.

      Right.  I guess not.

      "I don't know what to do," I admitted.

      He considered this.

      "All right," he told me, "I'll give you a chance to choose.  Be each one of them for a day.  You'll still be you, so you'll know what you want.  But when you choose, as I said, you'll lose all memory of this.  Do you agree to my plan?"

      I gaped again, for the nth time.  "I can do that?"  
      "_I can do that"_

      My brows furrowed in thought.  I've always wondered.  I really, really have, what it would be like to be any one of them.

      "I don't want to be any of the women" 

      He laughed.  "I thought so"  
      I expelled a breath.  

      "All right.  Let's do it"

      I opened my eyes again and squinted at the light that pierced my grimy eyes.

      What a weird dream that was.

      I yawned, and was raising my arms up over my head for an all-encompassing stretch when the sleeve of my…pajamas?! caught on my…earrings?!

      All of sleep was forgotten by now.

      I raced to the mirror found in the bathroom of _Omi's _apartment--

      --and screamed.

      I hastily got a grip on myself as I heard heavy footsteps pounding down the hall.  Predictably, it was followed by a kick that busted the lock on my--Omi's door, that is, and I soon found Yoji and Ran in the apartment, looking frantically for an intruder.

      Finding no one, their eyes leveled on me.

      Puzzled ones from above Yoji's signature frames, and annoyed purple ones from Ran.

      "What is it?" he asked curtly.

      I flashed them a sheepish grin.  "Cockroach"

      Ran stared at me for a long moment, making me squirm.  It's as if he knew it was Ken in here and not Omi.  Damn those eyes.  I was about to blurt out a confession when he just turned away.

      "You okay, kid?" Yoji asked.

      "Don't call me kid" I snapped, before I could stop myself.  Then I smiled and did a very Omi-like "Yes, Yoji-kun"


	3. The Breath of God 3

"The Breath of God"

part 3

_a Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance_

don't own anyone.

_Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…_

_Ken's P.O.V._

      I dressed up, and tried to forget the fact that I would be having the opportunity to look at someone else's body.  Maybe I should have asked Mr. Angel Guy to be a woman for a day after all, but that would have been very complicated.

      I strolled down to breakfast, to be met with yet another disapproving expression from Ran Fujimiya.

      "What?"

      "Aren't you supposed to be dressed for school?" asked Mother Hen, looking at the casual clothes I found in Omi's cabinet.  

      Oh, no.  Not school.  I'll be encountering tons of people that Omi knows that I don't.  Plus, I wouldn't want to spend eight hours of my day on Physics and Chemistry and what-not.

      "Thought I'd take a break today" I replied.

      "Thought wrong" he snapped, "dress up."

      "No!" I said indignantly, "I'm not feeling…um…very well today"

      "Dress up" he said again, stepping away from the stove where he was cooking breakfast to move menacingly towards me.

      Yoji grabbed him by the elbow from where he was seated by the table and got to his feet.

      "Listen, Omi" he said quietly, and Ran turned away and back to his cooking, as if he found the foreseeable pep talk disgusting.

      "Ken's dead," he said flatly, catching me a little off-guard.  "That doesn't mean the rest of us have to die with him.  You're supposed to be used to that death-thing by now.  Let me remind you.  A few days ago you stole my fucking cigarettes and got caught smoking in school.  You also got caught cutting class, and your teachers have told me you've not been very attentive, which is very new to them.  They're lenient because they know you're a good guy.  But if you keep this up…"

      He let the sentence hang, knowing I/Omi would be aware of the consequences.  

      But it was for a different reason that I trudged up the steps to change my clothes.

      I was bothered by the fact that Omi was not paying attention to his schoolwork because I had died.  And if he's not going to straighten things out for himself, then at least for a day, I would be able to.

      I sat through English Lit with a preoccupied mind.  We just finished a pre-calculus test and Omi was going to be very, very disappointed with the results when I give him his body back.  At least it was in multiple choice, so my guesses had a 25% chance of being right.

      The teacher--lost his name--was talking about Publius Virgilius Maro and the grandeur of Rome, along which he had lost me too.

      I flipped through Omi's English Lit notebook, finding myself deeply endeared by this side of my friend that I've never thought to pay attention to before.  Granted, he was neat as heck, but this notebook was terrible.

      It was obvious which topics he was interested in and which ones bored the shit out of him.  There was this funny cartoon at the corner of his notebook about a stick-figure slipping on a banana peel.  It moved if you flipped at the corners real fast.  There were also some pretty unprofessional scrawls of Pikachu and particularly detailed drawings of landscapes.  These were things I found in topics like outlines and sentence structures.  With topics like the Iliad, for example, the notes were clean and precise.

      I pulled myself away from my thoughts for awhile to copy notes; Omi would have hated to miss the lecture on Virgil's epic.  I was just turning to a new, fresh page when my clumsy hands--not lost, despite my change in body--fumbled again and I accidentally turned to the last pages of the notebook.

      I ran my hands reverently across the fervent writing; he must have been scrawling so furiously that he created ridges and marks staining the other pages, as if afraid that he would lose his thread of thought.

      I chuckled to myself.  Yoji was wrong, this morning.  Omi is _never _attentive in class, judging by his doodles and written works.  It's just that he hasn't been acting as well as he usually does.  

      It made me feel vaguely voyeuristic, but I couldn't seem to help myself, as I started to read through his work, most of which were short stories and clips of unfinished ones.

      The first was a comedy.  The character made me laugh, reminding me of Yoji.  It was about a playboy, who gave an engagement gift to his girlfriend.  It was a family heirloom that went only to the brides.  The two broke up, and the story was about the trials he went through to get it back, so he could marry someone else, as the woman refuses to return it.  He hounds her, and they eventually fall in love again.

      I'd make Yoji read it, if I were Omi.  Like a warning, a prophecy of his possible future as a teetering bachelor.

      The next one was a little bittersweet.  It was about a young man who was so much like Ran that I hesitated a little, before continuing.  He was losing his sister to cancer, and went on a road trip, looking for the devil so they could have a deal.  In the end, he found a peace within himself, and with God.

      Hm.  Compelling read, but wouldn't make Ran a very happy man.  I guess a great part of literature really was drawn from real life.  It made me wonder about what Omi would write about me.

      After flipping through a whole lot of random and unfinished scribble, I finally found my…well, it wasn't a story.  It was a dedication, of sorts. Postmortem.  It irked me a bit that he didn't find me interesting enough to write about when I was alive!

      Trivial, I know, but I haven't been able to help myself lately.

      _I've heard from somewhere that when a person dies--_

      I don't think I want to see the rest of this.

      _--they don't die all at once, but in bits and pieces.  Sadly, I've found out the truth of this first-hand.  _

_      Back at the shop, we seem to have an astounding amount more of supplies than usual.  Say, for example, we have more pots now than we've ever had before, seeing as no one falls down anymore to ruin them and drop them.  More fertilizer and soil supplements too, for the same reasons.  And more gentians (after the funeral, that is), because he isn't around anymore to steal some and take them to his apartment.  _

_      We hang all four of our aprons in a set of hooks lining one wall.  Every time we work, one will always be left behind.  The same could be said of our gloves, and the mugs in our kitchen.  _

_      I don't hear that annoying ball bouncing around on the floor and the walls anymore, nor the animated chatter of children, as they no longer have any reason to come by the shop, now that Ken-niichan is gone.  _

_      His body died that night, but he's been dying inside me again and again and again ever since, and I keep wondering when it will ever stop, if at all.  I keep wondering when he will die completely.  I keep wondering when all that he ever was would stop popping in at odd places and reminding me of what I had lost._

      It ended there.

      Damn you, Omi.  I wish you just wrote some obscene stuff in your notebooks, like regular guys.  Or better yet, phone numbers of sexy girls in class--I hear, and know, you have your pick of them.  But then again, it wouldn't be you, would it?

      The bell rang to signal the end of classes.

      It was lunchtime, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by a cheer that I wasn't part of.  I felt detached, already.  Like an observer.  Like a ghost.

      But how could that be? I was alive, here inside Omi.  He's alive.  No one should ever feel the kind of loneliness that I read in that notebook.  No one, least of all my friend.

      Now if I could just make his life a little more interesting.

      I strolled into the lunch area on the school grounds with a mission.

      Ran Fujimiya-style, I added an arrogance to my walk, a proud tilt to my chin and a determined glint in my eye.  And emulating Yoji Kudo, epicure of women, I smiled slyly at every passing lady, the results of which were _very pleasing._

      I grabbed my things and casually sauntered over to a table full of pretty girls.  It's really weird, how hard it was chatting up girls in my own body, and this was being a breeze.  I guess I wasn't thinking of rejection anymore, nor failure since I will only stay a day in here.

      "Is this seat taken?" I asked, putting a bright smile on my face.  I knew for a fact that Omi had a brilliant smile.  Sincere, with genuine affection in his eyes.  It makes a guy like me soften, so it could probably melt a girl's heart.

      "It's yours, Omi!" they chorused, though the grins they gave me/Omi were a little hesitant.

      "What's the matter?" I asked them.

      Their eyes shifted this way and that, until the young lady who appeared to be the outspoken one replied.

      "It's just that you've never paid us any attention before," she said, "and especially not…lately"

      "Not that we're complaining!" one of them chimed in.

      "You're very pleasant company!" another added.

      I smiled.  Yes, Omi really was, if he only bothered to give girls the time of day.  For him it was work first, then the team and the shop.  Then there was Ouka, his only love who had died.  And there was also the mess over his family.  I've never met a more burdened guy.  He needs a little distraction, and I have a feeling that's what I'm here for, instead of replacing him.

      I came home later than Omi would have on a school day.  Yoji and Ran were already working, and were eyeing me with some annoyance.

      I went straight for the rack, which held two aprons, and placed my apron on (instead of Omi's, as is proper) before I could think.

      "What are you doing?" I heard Yoji hiss at me.  I turned, surprised to find the rage in his eyes.  I couldn't understand it.

      "It's an apron, I'm using it" I told him indignantly.  What was wrong with this guy? Earlier, he was telling me they had to move on because I was dead.  Now he won't let me touch anything.

      I never thought I'd be fighting with anyone because I was dead and I wanted to be forgotten--no, not really.  I just wanted people to move on, and this guy was refusing to budge, apart from playing the hypocrite and lecturing me/Omi earlier.

      Thankfully, Ran played referee before we could do anything stupid.  He nodded for Yoji to go attend to a customer.  I recognized her at once; she was a single mother, a widow, by the name of Cherry.  Her boy Eric was a member of my team.  Mother was without child now, and looked as beautiful as ever, despite the uncertain look on her face.

      "May I help you?" I heard Yoji ask in a restrained voice.

      "Actually, I was looking for Ken" she replied, craning her neck to look around.  

      I watched Yoji stiffen.  "He's not here"  
      Cherry chuckled softly.  "Where is he hiding? My son and I have been out of town for a few days, and Eric told me there wasn't any soccer practice today.  He looked really sad and couldn't tell me why.  I don't like seeing my boy unhappy, and I just wanted to talk to Ken if Eric had any trouble with the kids today.  Eric is very sensitive, and he used to be worse, before Ken got him into playing with the neighborhood team.  If he's off-duty, I'm sure he wouldn't mind seeing me for just one minute--"

      I waited for Yoji to tell her I was dead.  But he didn't say a thing.  I waited for him to tell the lady that people died all the time, you should tell your son that, it's a fact of life, he'd have to get used to it.  I waited for him to sound like the man I had encountered this morning; stern, brutal in truth.  But he didn't say one bloody thing, and I couldn't understand why.

      "He passed away while you were gone," Ran told her quietly, "it was an accident in that new construction site.  Some curious kids got careless and he aided them…" his voice trailed off.

      Cherry was just about as stunned as I was at the alibi Kritiker had fixed up for me.  Well, Ken Hidaka.  Hero.  How about that? I was condemned in a game-fixing scandal.  I wonder who thought about this little shot at redeeming my name?

      "I see," Cherry said, when she was finally able to find her voice.  "For how long now?"  
      "The funeral was last week" said Ran curtly, "anything else we can help you with?"  
      She pushed her hair behind the ears, suddenly uneasy.  "Do you need an extra hand around here? I mean, I see how hectic it gets.  With just three of you left--"  
      "We don't need any help, lady," said Yoji, "but thanks"

      "He helped me too" Cherry said, "it's the least I could offer"

      I couldn't believe I was hanging around for this.  Masochist, that's what I was.  I enjoyed the pain.  Or maybe it was nice to see that the things I did around here counted for something after all.

      Cherry tucked her hair behind her ears as she spoke.  "Well.  I guess…I might as well get going.  But…I would like to visit his grave, if you could give me directions…?"

      "It's a forty-minute drive from the city," replied Yoji, sounding preoccupied, "look for the grave where all the gentians are.  It's hard to miss"

      She paused, before leaving.  "If you have anymore of those, I'd like some…"

      Cherry left after Ran handed her a bouquet and she paid for them, and I found myself staring at Yoji, who seemed to have suddenly poured his heart out to his work.

      What happened to him since this morning to make him suddenly behave this way?

      I stared at my handiwork on Omi's wall.

      It was a planner on a calendar on a white board that I bought at the mall today.  This way, when I leave Omi's body, he would be able to know about the 'appointments' I've arranged for him.  

      I was proud to have set up dates for every Friday and Saturday night of the month with every pretty and intelligent girl I found the time to speak with.  And knowing Omi, though he might not remember how he ever had the dates to begin with, he would be much too polite to cancel out.

      So.  What have I done with my day as Omi Tsukiyono? I flunked some quizzes, and generally made a gigolo of myself so he could be distracted for the next month or so.  Normal enough, I'd say.  Omi needs a little normality in his life.  I, for example, was a pretty average high school student.  Got my share of school spirit, the girls, the grades.  It was a very, very, satisfying experience.

      I looked at the clock on Omi's wall.  It was eleven p.m.  I hadn't thought I'd take that long to post a calendar and write down Omi's dates on them.

      I chuckled, amused with myself and how clever I was.  This Friday, Omi would be going to a club with a girl named Laissa.  I know he likes dancing, and is good at it.  The next evening, to a movie premiere with an heiress.  The next week, to a book fair.  After that, a concert…it went on and on.  

      I was just settling for bed, ready to wake up in limbo again after leaving Omi's body, when I heard some thumps from downstairs that immediately got me alert.

      With caution, I walked out of Omi's room and took the stairs down to the ground floor, where I found a drunken Yoji just coming into the building.

      He looked at me and gave me a goofy smile.  "Up late on a school night?" I watched him uncertainly as he settled into the couch, looking beat.

      "You drove like this?" I asked, angry that he endangered himself and others he may have run over.

      He didn't reply at first, and looked up at the stairs.  I knew why; Ran had heard the sounds too, and had looked at what was going on, but must have retreated away, not wanting to be seen.

      "Well?" I pressed.

      "Don't be so uptight" he teased, taking another gulp from the near-empty bottle of vodka in his hand.  "Nothing happened"

      Where do you start with this guy?!

      "Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked, annoyed.  Very, very, very annoyed.

      He seemed to consider it for a few moments, looking almost chastened and sober.  Then he just chuckled.

      "Dunno"

      I ran my hands over my hair in frustration.  And just when I didn't think he was going to say anything more, he pushed his sunglasses up higher over his nose and started saying things that I hadn't wanted to hear, as much as I hadn't wanted to read Omi's writing.  But still did.

      "You remember one of the last things he said, Omi?" he asked me, though apparently wasn't expecting nor desiring a reply.  "He said, 'You are not going to die because of me.'  That's what he said.  But he did"

      "Excuse me?"

      "Selfish bastard," Yoji downed the last of his drink, "he died because of us.  Selfish, selfish bastard.  Didn't want the guilt, so he left it to us instead."  
      It was fragmentary.  I couldn't understand him completely.

      "I heard those shots," he continued, "I knew he wasn't going to make it.  I saw his face.  I can still see the decision on his face.  I can see him fall, and remember how he felt when I caught him.  Someone had to catch him, Omi.  I knew you and Ran could handle those men, but someone had to catch Ken, the selfish bastard"

      "I don't know what to say," I told him.

      He nodded, understanding.

      "You know what's worse?" he asked me in a hoarse voice.

      Yoji was a very, very, very bad drunk.  Some guys shut up or sleep or throw up.  Yoji talks.  Yoji seldom talks seriously but when he's drunk he talks and I have a feeling he might find that much, much worse than the other options.

      "What's worse?" I asked warily.

      "I met his girlfriend today" he blurted out.

      My eyes must have popped out of my head.  Thankfully, Yoji interpreted this as surprise to unsuspecting little Omi that Ken-kun had a girlfriend.  Besides, who would think of the truth?

      "Yup, he had a girl," Yoji drawled, "Ken's still a kid, you know.  I ended up disrupting that romance.  Well, anyway, that's a different story.  Bottom-line is, they never ended up together because she left for Australia.  Ken's young and he had a life ahead of him.  The girl he loves comes back, only to find him dead.  Things were just shaping up for him, when he died.  It's just a waste, that's all."

      So that's what got him troubled.  Now it's got me troubled too.  Yuriko came back for me, but I'm dead now.  It's too late, like adding insult to injury.  What a waste.  My whole life, filled with missed opportunities.

      "It should have been me," whispered Yoji, "it always should have been me, but then it never is.  All I can ever do is watch"

      I stared at him, his hands slackening and the bottle falling to the floor, unbroken but sounding in a thud.  He had fallen asleep.

      He was speaking about his lovely Asuka, and that other girl.  It's not his fault, but like everyone in this team he's very masochistic.  Always blaming ourselves.  I was starting to see the errors, again, much too late.  But only for me.  Only for me.  My friends get to have a chance at rectifying that.

      I grabbed a blanket from Omi's room, encountering Ran along the way.  He was looking both displeased and worried at the same time; I always wondered how he could convey so many emotions despite his seemingly blasé expression.

      "He shouldn't have been driving drunk," he said flatly.

      "I told him so too," I said, and Ran just nodded and walked away.  I headed back to Yoji, who was sleeping soundly.  I draped the blanket over him.

      "You're going to have a killer hangover tomorrow, Yoji," I told him with a sigh, "but that's okay.  I'm going to be you next."


	4. The Breath of God 4

"The Breath of God"

part 4

_a Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance_

don't own anyone.

_Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…_

_Ken's P.O.V._

      When I woke up I knew I was taller, thinner and had a mop of blond hair, and I wasn't very surprised anymore.

      Amused, yes.  But not surprised.

      Dizzy with a hangover, yes.  But not surprised.

      I pushed myself up to my elbows on the couch and looked at the watch on Yoji's--mine, now--wrist.  I couldn't see it very well in the dark, so I pressed a button, hoping for a light.  What resulted was a hissing that indicated I just released some wires…

      "Shit!" I exclaimed, pressing more tiny buttons to try and get them back, but they weren't following me.

      Muttering even more curses, I hurriedly removed the damn thing before I hurt myself; Yoji could do magic with those wires.  

      I rushed up to Yoji's apartment, stopping by the clock on the shop along the way.  Five a.m.  Not a typical Yoji-hour, but nevertheless, I'm awake and I'm on a mission.  

      I left the wristwatch and the disgruntled wires on his night table, took a shower, then looked at the clothes in Yoji's cabinet; I'd give a lot to be able to wear my own clothes, but well, I couldn't be picky.  I chose some that were closer to my own taste; a loose cotton shirt and the oldest and softest pair of faded jeans I could find.  Then, still slightly damp (sorry, Yoji), I placed his mop of hair on a ponytail against my back (it took me some time to figure it out, though), to get it away from my face.  

      I didn't put the wristwatch on along with the clothes; that was a disaster waiting to happen.  It would seem strange to Omi and Ran; after all, Yoji always had his watch/weapon on, as it was the most inconspicuous of all of ours.  Never mind.  I'll just tell them it was out of order.

      The shower definitely got most of my/Yoji's hangover away, so I happily trotted down to the basement, feeling hungry and for some reason, excited.

      I plopped down on a seat by the table, wondering if I should cook breakfast, seeing as I was the first one up this morning.

      I was still contemplating when I heard curt and quiet footsteps that couldn't have belonged to anyone but Ran; untrained ears wouldn't have been able to hear them, as he was agile as a cat.

      His guard was down today, as if he wasn't expecting anyone to be around but him, which would have been true except I was inside Yoji's body today, and I woke up early most of the time.  I was seeing a part of Ran that, for some reason or other, he decided to hide even after his sister has been rescued.

      Watching him stretch his arms over his head and yawn, lazily scratching at his cheek made me chuckle, and he finally paid attention enough to notice I was there.

      A flicker of surprise there, which he expertly covered up with a nonchalant expression.

      "You're up early" he commented flatly.

      I wasn't so intimidated anymore, having just seen him behave like a normal human being; not a very frequent occurrence.

      I shrugged, watched as he started preparing our breakfast.

      "Need help?" I asked.

      "Coffee" he grunted without looking at me, and that suddenly made me nervous.  Yoji made terrific coffee, a fact even Ran had conceded to.  I had no bloody idea what goes where!

      Numbly, I headed for one of Yoji's creature comforts; a bag of coffee beans from Starbucks, some kind of variation from East Timor.  The brewer must be around here somewhere.  And those white filter things? Where could Yoji have hidden them all?

      I shoved the bag into a cabinet and aborted the search; instead, I grabbed three glasses and a carton of milk from the refrigerator.  I knew Ran was looking, even if he always tried to hide it, so I decided on an explanation.

      "I think I've been having too much caffeine lately," I offered lamely, which he didn't dignify with a comment.

      I knew for a fact that Ran loved Yoji's coffee.  But he wouldn't beg me to make some; he tried not to care about trivial things like that.

      I set up the table as Ran cooked, which meant I finished sooner than he did, so I had the time to just sit on the kitchen's counter and watch him.  In everything he did, his movements were enviably fluid.

      It gave me some joy watching him cook, as much as it gave me joy to read Omi's writing and leaf through his messy notebook.  It's the little things that I'm sure I'll miss, those little things I've never thought to pay attention to before.

      We settled on the table, as we waited for the meals to cook, and for the first time in many years I found that I had no idea what to say to him.

      "You shouldn't have been driving drunk," he told me, breaking the uneasy silence.  "You could have--"  
      "I know" I cut him off, "never again."

      He accepted this with a nod, and I wondered if his initial concern was for my/Yoji's safety, or that I could have run over someone.

      I poured us some milk, and he took a sip from his and made a face that I thought was both uncharacteristic and very, very welcome.

      He grabbed the carton, and was off-guard long enough to seem just a little lonely.  On Ran it was darn dramatic, as he never shows how he feels.

      "What?" I asked, looking at my glass dubiously.

      "It's expired," he said, picking up both our glasses and throwing the contents in the sink.  He emptied the carton too, then seemed to hesitate over throwing the container in the trash.

      "You shouldn't look so tragic about it," I teased, before I could stop to think.

      He dropped the carton in the trash can and sat down across from me again, the mask back.

      I watched as his fingers played absently with the silverware, fondly thinking that maybe he wanted to stab me with it.

      "Stock's almost out," he told me, "you go by the grocery today, Yoji.  And don't buy any goddamn milk.  No one drinks them in this house anymore"

      _I _liked milk.  But it looks like I'm out of the equation.  It just occurred to me that I was also the last one to go shopping in this house.

      Well, I guess that lonely look was for me.  But instead of being touched I was getting irritated.  These people have nothing else to do but feel sorry for themselves!

      Omi stepped down to breakfast, still in his house clothes for it was too early to dress for school.  He was rubbing at his eyes, and looked at us blearily.

      "G'morning"

      "Hey, Omi" I greeted, anxious to observe his reaction to what I've done with his life.

      "Yoj, didja remember me posting a calendar in my room yesterday?" he asked, me looking puzzled.

      "Yup," I lied.  Sorry God.

      "D'you remember me on the phone at all last night?" he asked.

      "Yup," I lied again.

      "That's funny," he said, scratching his head, "I don't"  
      "Maybe you got my hangover instead of me," I teased.

      "You were drunk?" he asked, wide-eyed.

      Ran was looking at us funny.  Couldn't blame him.  Of all the 'four' people in this room, only one guy knew the answer and he ain't talking.

      Omi groaned, laughing at himself a little.  "I think I must have been a little out of my mind.  I found my answering machine more swamped than usual.  I woke up with a calendar in my view full of dates and I thought it was a nightmare!"

      "Girls are very nice to be around," I pointed out.

      Omi conceded, but he still looked slightly troubled.  "But I would love to know how in the world I got myself into all this"

      Yeah, you would, wouldncha?

      "Oh, and Ran?" called out Omi as he sank on a seat for breakfast.  "Aya-chan called from her boarding school to ask if she could come home for the weekend"  
      "Tell her no" he said blandly.

      "Shouldn't you tell her yourself?" I snapped.

      "She shouldn't be around us," said Ran tersely.  "No one should"

      "That's not true," I argued, but should have known I wouldn't be able to get through to him.  Of course I saw his point.  People who were near to us were in even more danger than we ourselves were.  But Ran isn't very…um…communicative, so I doubt Aya-chan could ever understand and accept that.

      "She is going to be more annoyed about this than the last time," said Omi reflectively, "she's not going to want to come anymore, after awhile"

      "Good" said Ran, though we all knew he didn't mean it.

      With a smile that could have belonged to my kids when they won their first tournament, I strolled to the garage bearing the keys to Yoji's Jalopy.

      Oh, the joy of it.  He never let anyone touch the classic car, and here I was…! Sorry, Yoj.  But a man's got to do what a man's got to do: groceries.

      As I stepped into the convenience store, chimes signaled my entrance and a young woman appeared behind the counter, giving me a very pleased and very measuring look.

      I smirked, and tolerated her scrutiny as I grabbed a cart and started piling things into them; I knew full-well the tastes of my comrades by now.

      I headed for the counter to pay, and she mostly punched in numbers instead of using that laser thingie.

      "Why have it if you're not using it?" I asked, nodding to the contraption.

      "Well…" her eyes teased, "of course I could say I was doing this the long way so I could spend more time with you, but…it wouldn't be the truth, now would it?"  
      I grinned.  "Of course not"

      She studied the things I've purchased.  "Bachelor, hm? Well, I guess that means you must be one of those guys from the flower shop a few blocks off.  I'm new in town, and this is my first job, but I hear tons of things.  I wondered if the frequent subject of the teeny-boppers who come in here was worth it all"  
      "And?" I asked, leaning against the counter, Yoji-style.  This was fun.  Being anyone else but me made me think less of the consequences.  Sorry again, Yoj.

      "I had very high expectations," she teased, eyes narrowing a little, "but you'll do"

      "Are you cross-eyed?"  
      "No, I'm trying to be seductive"

      We both laughed. 

      That was when the bell chimed to announce the arrival of…_her_.

      Yuriko was much, much more beautiful then I remembered.  Suddenly I was me again, and I had no idea what to do.

      As if reading my mind, the disappointed clerk broke into my thoughts by saying, "Swallow your tongue first, loverboy, and go on from there"

      I looked at her as if she was crazy.

      She rolled back her eyes and started using the laser with quick, efficient hands to get me out of her sphere as soon as she could.

      I watched Yuriko from the corner of my eye, noted the things she had picked up.  Chocolates.    

      She suddenly looked up from an apparent contemplation over Hershey's and Cadburry's and her eyes met mine and froze there.

      With a tentative smile, she placed the packages down and sauntered my way.

      Yoji, ever the gentleman, would have met her halfway.

      But I froze where I was.

      "Yoji," she greeted, affectionately taking my slack hand.  I wondered what kind of a 'meeting' they had to be in such familiar terms.

      "Yuriko" I said in a strained voice, which if she had noticed showed no signs of.

      "I came by the shop earlier today," she told me shyly, "but you weren't there"   
      I took a deep breath, and was still wondering about what to say to that when the girl behind the counter said with an edge in her voice, "If you're not buying anything else get out"

      Yuriko looked at her strangely, but picked up the lighter ones of my packages to help me out, and the two of us walked to Yoji's car.

      We piled the packages into the backseat, and I hesitated to open the door for her to get inside.

      "I have my bike parked in the lot," she said.  "I was…on my way to the cemetery"   
      "I see," I said hoarsely.  "um…"

      Damn.  I want to be with her.  But do I want to do this?

      I cleared my throat.  "May I join you? We can take my car, just come back for your bike later"

      She hesitated for a few moments.  "Well…all right.  But I have to go get something first"

      I walked with her towards her bike, and before we even got close I knew what she was going to get.  There was a bouquet of gentians there, and she very nearly broke my heart.

      "As I said," she told me, "I stopped by your shop earlier"

      We walked back to Yoji's car, and I opened the passenger side's door for her.  As she settled in, I hopped into the driver's side and got the car into gear.  I knew where the cemetery was, from the directions I heard Yoji give to Cherry yesterday.

      "You didn't buy anything from the convenience store," I observed, saying the first thing that came to my mind that wasn't a sensitive topic.

      "The lady was a grouch," she said with a pleasant chuckle, wrinkling her nose.

      I laughed and watched her from the corner of my eye as I kept my attention focused on the road.

      I was starting to realize that my afterlife was starting to become as complicated as I was making my friends'.  Bad karma.  I was getting very, very confused.

      Being with Yuriko wanted me so badly to be alive again, but I didn't want to have to take the place of any of my friends.  And for the short time that I am here, I want Yuriko to love me as she had before.  But I don't want her to love Yoji.  I wanted her to love me, and me alone.

      But what choice to I have? I'm driving myself crazy in here--

      "Whatever it is I'm sure it's going to run away real soon" her melodious voice broke into my thoughts.

      "What?" I asked.

      "You had a certain look on your face," she said with a gentle smile, "so whatever or whoever it was you were thinking about, it's bound to run away in fright soon, so don't worry so much"

      "Sorry," I said sheepishly, feeling like an idiot.

      "You always look pensive," she said.  I wondered what it meant, but let it slide.  Yuriko is very open, and fore some reason I always understood what she was trying to say, individual words aside.

      "Like you're thinking of something all the time," she went on.  "You know when I approached you in that coffee shop?"

      Now I'm going to find out how they met…

      "Well, I wanted to find Ken," she said, "but we hadn't bothered with the formalities then.  No addresses or whatever.  It was just him, and me, and the now.  Nothing else seemed to matter.  I loved how that had felt.  I loved what it made me become and most of all I loved that I…loved.  

      "As I was saying," she said, "I heard some girls talking about you, and that you were working in that flower shop.  I knew Ken did the same thing and I wanted to ask you.  I was reluctant to approach you at first, because you had two cups of coffee with you, as if you were with someone or, or waiting for someone. 

      She chuckled at herself.  "I was almost resigned to the fact that I was going to have to stalk you, then you asked for the bill and I made up my mind to come over and ask"

      I smiled a little.  Yes, Yoji did his solo-coffee-shop-thing.  

      "Before I even asked you about Ken," she said, lowering her eyes and her voice, "you looked so sad that I think you must have known what I was going to ask even before I said anything"

      Of course, Yoji would have recognized her.

      She shrugged.  "Well, anyway.  What I'm trying to get at is…you look thoughtful all the time.  Like now.  I feel like I'm intruding on this war going on inside your head"  
      You aren't intruding, Yuriko.  _You're _the war going on inside my/Yoji's head.

      She tucked her hair behind her ear, suddenly uneasy.  "So…ah…I know he loved flowers.  The girls told me gentians were his favorite though.  Was…Is that true?"  
      "Yes," I answered.

      "They're like wildflowers," she said, "Gentians, I mean.  I should have known he would like wildflowers"

      Like you.

      "I'm sorry I wasn't able to go to the funeral," she continued, "though I doubt I would have gone had I known about it.  The girls, they told me it was a nice funeral.  Everyone brought flowers.  So much that the shop ran out and those shops around it too, especially of gentians.  They said there were so many girls, and so many little boys with their families and little league coaches and…I should have known he had a lot of friends"  
      Well, I didn't.

      I thought I'd die in great pain and alone and be quickly forgotten afterwards.  Then go to hell and see a gloating Kase to welcome me.  It was nice to know I was wrong.  Nothing in life, nor after it, is ever as you expect it to be.

      "You were there," she pointed out, "were they right?"  
      "Yes."

      Another lie.  Well, I can't help it.

      She settled back in her seat, seemingly satisfied for now.  She seemed changed, somehow.  I remember how hysterical she got when upset.  What a spitfire.  And now here she was, with a lonely look on her serene face, fingering gentians.  The only indication of her turmoil inside was her slightly misty eyes, and, modesty aside, I knew that they were for me.

      Soon, I parked the car, and the two of us stepped down and started walking around.

      I had no idea where my grave was, but I followed the scent of gentians, and sure enough I found it.

      It was a nice morning; deceptively sunny and bright but not oppressively hot, just comfortably warm.  She was walking beside me, and though I was heading straight for an honest-to-goodness confrontation with having died already, I felt complete somehow, just having her there.

      My grave was a no-nonsense slab.  A name, some dates.  Not even a dedication.  But whoever would come, including me, would know that the person under there was loved.  

      As if defying time, the flowers seemed fresh still, and overflowed.  As if they spilled from the depths below.  There was just so much of them, so damn much.

      I looked at my name, and for a fleeting moment felt disoriented.  Maybe it wasn't really me.  Maybe it was someone else.  Maybe I was really Yoji, losing my mind.

      Yuriko slowly sank to her knees beside me, staring at my name engraved there, bringing me back to reality.  Her shoulders were shaking as she cried quietly.

      I was suddenly struck with the realization that people never could get over anyone easily.  I never got over Kase.  And I certainly never got over Yuriko.  But I managed to hobble along.  To survive.  They will too, without me.  And wherever I may go, so will I, without them.

      She looked up at me, laughing and crying at the same time.

      "You must think I'm one of those crazy girls," she said, "you don't know me very well, and Ken himself never knew for very long.  I don't know, maybe he even forgot about me already.  Maybe I'm making a fool of myself here, when it was just nothing to him, I'm crying my heart out.  Wouldn't that be funny, Yoji?"  
      "He never forgot, Yuriko," I guaranteed her.  And there must have been something in the way that I said those simple words.

      She believed me.

      We drove back to the convenience store parking lot in silence, and when I stopped by her bike, she seemed to hesitate for awhile.

      "Thanks," she said softly.

      I nodded, not knowing what else I was supposed to do or say about that.

      She tucked her hair behind her ears again.  "I…um…I don't know too many people around here, Yoji.  And I like being with you.  Maybe because there is something about you that is kind of like him, or maybe there's something about you that's just you and comforts me"

      Dear God, she was going to ask me/Yoji out.

      "Thanks," I said tightly.

      She laughed nervously.  "What's a girl got to do?"

      Well, you surely got over me quickly.

      But my heart was melting.  Maybe there was something about her that found me, even if I didn't look the way I used to.  Either way, this wasn't a date I didn't want to set up for anyone but me.  But she looked so earnest there, and sweet and lonely.  I guess I should ask her out.  I'll be out of Yoji's body tomorrow, and he'd show her a good time.  I could count on him to let her down easy.  Yoji has a way with women.  He'll make it okay.

      "Do you want to go out with me?" I asked, and I couldn't keep my eyes from tearing up just a little, or the smile to appear on my face.  This was being like alive again.

      Life itself was the fire I saw in her eyes.

      "Yes," she answered, looking as elated as I must have.

      I opened the door for her and let her out the car.  Then, I walked her to her bike, and made sure I trailed her to her apartment to make sure she was safe.

      I returned to the shop and started working after I replenished the cabinets and the refrigerator.

      It would still be a few hours until Omi returned from school, and Ran and I handled the shop while he was gone.

      We worked efficiently, had snatches of conversation that was mostly me talking, as there were very few customers in school or office hours.

      It was about noon when I the phone rang.  Ran was nearer to it, but he seemed to be deliberately ignoring it.

      "You gonna answer that?" I asked, a little irritated.

      He looked a bit embarrassed.  Or maybe that was just me.  Ran Fujimiya never got embarrassed.  But then again, dead people never came back to life in different bodies either, did they?  
      "Hello?" I greeted, grabbing the receiver.

      Should have known why Ran was hiding out.  His sister was calling.

      "Yoji?" she asked, "give him the phone, I know he's in there"  
      Well, she wouldn't have been able to stand growing up with Ran if she wasn't as gung-ho as she was.  I was going to have to choose which rage I preferred to face; hers or Ran's.  The Fujimiya siblings packed a wallop.

      "Um…" moral decision time.

      "Put him on, Yoji…" she said in a sing-song warning.  "Oh, well.  You know what? Tell him if he doesn't pick up the phone I'm coming in there whether or not I have his permission"

      "Aya-chan…"

      "Tell him…" she hadn't said it, but I heard it damn clear.  "Or else."

      I looked at Ran miserably.  "If you won't talk to her, she's coming here whether she has your permission or not"

      Ran narrowed his eyes in irritation but made no step forward.  "She can come, I don't have to let her in"

      I told Aya as much, and she told me to tell her brother they both knew he wouldn't have the guts.

      He told me to tell her "Try me."

      She told me to tell him "Bite me."

      And hung up.

      I sighed.  

      I'm going to be Ran tomorrow, and this was going to be darn complicated.

      Omi went home looking dazed and, giving myself a pat on the back, quite happy.

      "I've got all these people talking to me that I didn't even know I knew," he said, sounding more than a little disoriented.

      Yoji would have said, girls can be pretty overwhelming.

      I said, "Good for you, kid."

      He was trudging up to his room to dispose of his school things when I told him something that will definitely help Yoji out when I leave his body tomorrow.

      "Omi?" I called.

      "Yup?"

      "If ever I forget," I said, "could you remind me I have a date with Yuriko tomorrow and I have to pick her up at noon?"

      He chuckled at me.  Well, it would have been typical for Yoji to forget one of his many arrangements now and then…Then he stopped, his mind probably recalling the name as belonging to a woman who was associated with me instead of Yoji.

      "Sure, Yoji," he said uncertainly, "I'll remind you."

      That night, I laid on my back thinking about the things I had done for today.

      It saddened me a bit that I did nothing for Yoji.  Just for me.  I got to speak with Yuriko for one last time (something in my heart must have resigned me to that idea), and faced my gravestone.  Was there anything I could have done for that drunk man from last night who sounded as if he were blaming himself for the problems of humanity?

      Nevertheless, that's over now.  I'm going to be Ran tomorrow.  He's been less serious since his sister became all right, but of course the constant threat of danger made him want to distance himself from her, causing a strain in their relationship.  This is bound to be interesting, if not fatal.

      I closed my eyes and fell asleep thinking:

      Dear God, please don't let the Fujimiyas skin me when this is all over.


	5. The Breath of God 5

"The Breath of God"

part 5

_a__ Weib Kreuz fic by Mirrordance_

don't own anyone.

_Plot: When Ken dies, an angel gives him the chance to take over someone else's body to live again…_

_Ken's P.O.V.___

      I was starting to get used to waking up in different states each time I opened my eyes.

      But the first indication that I was sure I was Ran came from when I raised my hands and looked at them.  Ran had delicate hands that could have belonged to a woman.

       Like before, I took my shower and brought myself down to breakfast, where there was no one.

      Today was going to be a busy day.  Ran had a lot of…um…issues.  At least, much more defined ones than, say, Yoji's or Omi's.  That means I'll have a lot to do, and a really short time to do it.

      I set the table, and brought out a typical Ken-breakfast; one I was sure I wouldn't be able to screw up: cereal.  I bought milk yesterday anyway.  Besides, the only one who would know about yesterday morning's conversation was me and Ran, and he wasn't around today.

      Omi trudged down to breakfast soon afterwards, and mulled over his cereal.

      "What's wrong?" I asked, then when he looked at me in surprise I suddenly remembered I was Ran, therefore supposedly up in my Ivory Tower.

      But he answered anyway.  

      "I have a date with this girl Friday night," he replied, "you know, one of those I couldn't remember making? But there's this other girl I want to take instead"  
      Ha, ha! GOAL!

      Welcome to High School, Omi.

      Yoji followed soon afterwards.  He was NOT a morning person, and his mood was even more sour than usual.

      "Omi, did you touch my watch?" he asked, the moment he sat down.

      "No, why?" asked Omi.

      "Never mind" he growled, diving into his cereal.  Ran, of course, would not be accused of anything.  I'm loving this already.

      We had a silent few minutes, along which I was wishing I would be me again, seated on this table with all of them.  

      Yoji having a bad morning (which could be equated to a normal morning for him), Omi despairing over schoolwork.  Ran brooding.  I wonder what I contributed to the atmosphere in their heads.

      "Oh, by the way," omi said, "You told me to remind you of your late lunch date today"

      "I did?" asked Yoji.  

      "Yeah"  
      "If you say so"

      "Yoji, listen" said Omi, "are you going to stand her up?"

      "Come on, kid," moaned Yoji, mockingly insulted.  "You know me better than that.  I don't stand anyone up"  
      Omi rolled back his eyes.  "Yoji, let me remind you.  I don't know the story very well, but I'm sure Ken-kun wouldn't appreciate you hurting that girl"

      "What girl?"

      "Yoji…"

      "I'm, serious.  What girl?"  
      "Yuriko," said Omi, "you told me your date was with a girl named Yuriko, and I don't know any other Yuriko.  You told me to tell you you're supposed to pick her up at noon at her apartment"  
      Yoji blinked.  "I don't remember doing something like that.  I mean…I wouldn't! She's…she's…"

      Ken's girl, Yoji.  Say it.  She's my girl.

      "Ken's" I filled out for him, not able to restrain myself.

      "Exactly," Yoji agreed vehemently with 'Ran.'

      "You are standing her up!" Omi accused.

      "She's a different case!" Yoji defended himself, "I don't even remember arranging this!"  
      "You are not standing anyone up" I told him decisively, in my best imitation of Ran on a bad day.  Yoji wouldn't like it, but he'll follow me anyway.  Besides, this way I'm sure Yuriko is 'safe;' he wouldn't touch her, but wouldn't disappoint her either by not appearing.

      Yoji sighed.  "Fine.  I got myself into this, I'll get myself out.  It's not like I'm gonna marry her or anything, right? It's just a date.  What harm could it do?"

      Omi left for school.

      Soon afterwards, Yoji left for his date with my girl.

      This was more difficult than I first thought.  I convinced myself yesterday that she was beyond my reach…her being alive and my being dead being quite a gap, there.  But now here I am.

      Where that is, exactly, I'm not sure.  All I know is that I'm very, very, very nervous about how Yoji's 'date' is going to turn out.

      I was supposed to man the shop all by my lonesome, when an image of Yuriko's beaming face flashed into my mind, and like some demon I shooed away our customers (scant though they were, as peak-hours were later during the day) and closed down the shop.

      I walked around town (since Ran's car would have been too conspicuous), my legs taking me to Yoji's haunts, knowing he would be taking her somewhere familiar to him.  He did that, when he was nervous.  Like a measure of control.  That's why he likes the same girls, likes the same places.  Why women would find him exciting is just beyond me…

      Or no, not really.  I'm being unfair and I'm being paranoid.  And it's not as if I wasn't the one who did all this.

      True enough, I found the two of them smiling at each other over…guess what? Coffee.

      So this is from an uninterested guy, right?

      I grabbed a table behind a counter, where I could see them but they couldn't possibly see me.  From how the two of them looked, they couldn't possibly be seeing anyone but each other.

      I must have been glowering (and Ran's glowers were the best, most effective glowers), as no waitress was coming to take my order, and I was starting to get glances from people.

      Heaving a sigh, a relaxed myself. 

      Ran was going to strangle me when he finds out the indignities I've been putting his body through.  Spying.  He'll kick my ass.

      A shapely blonde stopped by my table, carrying her coffee cup, having moved from her own table.

      "Mind if I…?"  
      "Feel free" I said, smiling uncertainly at her, then shifting my gaze back to Yoji and Yuriko.  Hell, even their names go together.

      "You like her too, huh?" the girl asked, her voice breaking into my murderous thoughts.

      I held my temper in check.  Damn.  Maybe being inside Ran's body was like, inheriting all that rage too.

      I ignored her question and called for a waitress to give me a cup of black coffee.  I'll be staying for awhile, as long as they are.

      "All the handsome men in the world seem to be taken" she said melodramatically.  "Look at you.  And that man who's with your lady"

      I ran my hands across my face, wishing she would just go away.  But sitting here alone might have seemed weird.  Thank God women found Ran so good-looking they risked being the center of his cold eyes just so they could get close to him.

      I focused on her, so she wouldn't get ticked off and leave me here alone with my…um…preoccupations.

      "Got a name?" I asked her.

      "Lindsay," she replied.  "You?"

      "Ran" I answered.

      Her eyes twinkled.  "Well at least we're getting somewhere.  I was starting to wonder if you could talk"  
      Old line, but nothing could have suited Ran better.

      "I'm not really this brash, you know?" she said, "I don't just walk up to guys I don't know all the time"

      "Oh, yeah?" I asked, though I wasn't really paying attention anymore.  Yuriko just laughed at something Yoji said.

      "It's just that…" she droned on and on and on, "you've got this quality about you.  Something animal-like"

      That brought me back to her.  Ran would have loved to hear this.

      "Something restless," she continued, "even if you look so calm.  A rebel with regal features.  My mother would have hated you for me, but wanted you for herself.  Very few men look like that"  
      "Um…thanks"  
      Dear God, this was a terrible afternoon.

      I had precious few hours left alive as Ran and I was spending it with a girl who was so weird it completely overshadowed her impeccable features, while watching the love of my life getting hooked with Yoji, the master of all things that concerned women.

      Damn, he's smooth.  I'm never smooth.

      Sooner than I thought, I watched as Yoji and Yuriko got up from their table and start to leave.  My table was near the damn door!

      Horrified, I frantically searched for an escape route, and eventually found no other discourse than to fall on all fours and hide under the table until I heard their laugh-tinged voices fade away.

      I dusted myself off and got up.

      People were looking at me as if I were crazy.

      Maybe I was.

      "You're obsessed!" Lindsay spat out, getting up and leaving me there all alone.

      I felt my/Ran's cheeks flushing.

      Then in a sudden change of moods I realized how ridiculous I…no, how ridiculous Ran must have looked.  I couldn't help it.  I started laughing.

      He was really, really, really going to kick my ass for sure.

      I lost Yoji and Yuriko, assumed he'd take her back to her apartment by now so I strolled out of the coffee shop and headed back home.

      On my way, I was not so bothered by the thought of them dating that I missed the stares that people were giving me/Ran.

      Men were looking with envy, women with longing.  

      I wondered if Ran, who would have been submitted to this kind of attention for all of his life, was used to it by now.  

      Probably.  Though he tried to set himself apart from minor concerns, I'm pretty sure Ran is more vain than he lets on.  I mean, check out those tails.  Impractical as hell.  And damned if he isn't just slightly aloof.

      Well, women liked that, I guess.

      Women liked mysterious guys as much as they liked smooth guys such as Yoji, my uninterested friend, or maybe cute ones like Omi.  Guys like me, the goody-goody ones who'll love you forever and marry you and take care of your children and teach them soccer and take them to games got ignored, or in my case, forgotten.

      Like a predator, I waited in the building until Yoji came in, looking both troubled and elated all at once.  I was too preoccupied to open the shop and run it well, so I hadn't bothered.

      "Why are we closed?" he asked me.

      My eyes narrowed in irritation as I took in his flushed face.  And there was a trace of lipstick there, against his cheek.  Very subtle, as Yuriko didn't need to use much.  But I could see it as if it were a bold red.

      "What harm could it do, huh?" I asked bitterly.

      He looked away, his jaw set and his posture rigid.  "I liked her more than I thought.  Or maybe I've always liked her and that's why I wanted to stay away.  But I'm here now, Ran.  And I like her.  I'm too far gone"

      "If this is just one of your flings--"

      "Damn it," his palm slammed on the counter, "is that really what you think this is?"

      I stared at him.  No.  That wasn't what I thought it was, and maybe that's why I'm so mad.  Yuriko was going to be loving someone else.

      "She was Ken's--" I said brokenly.

      "I know that!" snapped Yoji, running his hands through his hair in frustration, "I wish to God I didn't, but I do.  And I'd have things different, but this is it.  He's dead.  He died for me and I end up taking his girl.  Do you know how that makes me feel?"

      "But you'll still take her, wouldn't you?" I asked icily, this vengeful part in my head imagining me taking over Yoji's body…

      "Yes, if she would have me," said Yoji, "Ken was my friend.  And I have so few.  But I think he would want all of us to be happy"

      Dear God.

      Dear God.

      "He's dead, Ran" Yoji said flatly, pushing those signature sunglasses up his face, a fetish I recognized now when his eyes watered.

      "I wish it were me instead," said Yoji, "So he could be here and be with her.  I've thought about it, you know.  I really have.  Yuriko makes me happy.  I think I make her happy too.  In the end that's what really matters, isn't it? I think I've finally figured it out.  Nothing's a waste if you take it while God offers it to you"

      I remembered that night he was drunk and said everything was a waste.  Well.  I guess I was wrong when I said I hadn't done anything for Yoji.  I set him up with a terrific girl.

      "I'm sorry," I told him quietly, "I'm sorry.  It's just that…It's--"  I trailed off, not knowing what else to say.  But I think he understood that he had my blessing anyway.

      "I'm sorry too," he said quietly.  And for a fleeting moment there, I could have sworn he knew it was me he was speaking to.  Or maybe he whispered it to the heavens and it addressed me somehow, and not Ran's body.

      I was getting what I wanted.  My friends were moving on without me.  I was dead.  That was fact and past but they had Now to live for.  It was more painful than I thought it might be, but this was the way of things.

      I walked quietly up the steps that led to our apartments.  This was probably going to be my last day here, and I wanted to just walk around and…and…be here.  That was a funny thought.  All my life I've been wanting to be someone else, somewhere else.  And here I couldn't seem to let go.

      I stopped by an open door.  There shouldn't have been anything spectacular about that, but it was My open door.  Ken Hidaka's open door.

      Aya-chan was there.

      She was up on tiptoes, trying to reach some things on one of the racks that I filled with trophies and figurines and things like that.

      It was the first time I've been to my room since I came back, and for some reason, it didn't surprise me to find that everything was where I left them.

      My eyes shifted to the discarded clothes draped carelessly on one of the chairs.  I did that, when I dressed in my work clothes before that fateful mission.

      It was a mess in here.

      It made me chuckle, a bit sadly, but a laugh's a laugh, I guess.

      That caught her attention, and a stunned Aya focused her attention at me.  On her hands was a rag and some polish.

      "Ran!" she exclaimed, surprised.  "I didn't hear you come in"

      I stepped into my room, and though she had that stubborn, determined look on her face, she unconsciously stepped back, making me stop in my tracks and wonder what it was she had to fear from her own brother.

      "What are you doing here?" I asked quietly.

      Her eyes shifted away from mine, and her answers came in swift babble.  "I knew you told me not to come, but I wanted to anyway.  We've got this break and…I missed you.  Anyway, that explains why I'm here in the shop.  Um…I guess what you're really wondering about is what I'm doing in Kenken's room"

      My heart softened at the nickname.  The endearment hit home, in my sentimental mood.

      "I know you're angry," she said, "because you told us not to touch anything or move anything in here.  But well…it's been more than a week, Ran.  I miss him too, but it won't do any of us any good if this place isn't cleaned up.  I just polished some of the trophies, I put everything back where I got it, I wasn't even going to move anything else but that--"  
      I silenced her by stepping forward and giving her a hug that just stunned her.  But I felt her slender arms wrap reassuringly around me too.

      I was surprised that the crazy Fujimiyas cared that way.  Ran, not wanting anyone to touch anything that had been mine, wanting to keep everything where I had left them.  And his sister, whose mind worked in the opposite direction but cared enough to pick up after me just the same.

      "I'm happy you're here," I whispered into her hair, knowing Ran would have thought it, but not say it aloud.  I'll do him the favor this time. "I won't always get to say it, but you should know that"

      "I do," she told me simply.

      "But there are some things you have to understand," I told her, "it's not that easy anymore.  There are people who could hurt you"

      She pulled away and looked me in the eye, teasing.

      "You'll protect me, wouldn't you?"  
      That was the bottom-line, wasn't it? Ran's great fear.

      "Not as much as I would want to," I told her truthfully.

      Her eyes searched mine, before she tore them away.  Her eyes were like her brothers; keen and shamelessly searching.  Maybe she knew it wasn't her brother in here.  Maybe not.

      "You might be surprised to know," she teased again, "that I grew up.  I do that, you know? I can take care of myself"  
      "I bet you could," I told her, matching her mood.

      A comfortable silence followed, that had me looking around my room.  No matter what happens now, no matter who I'll end up becoming, no one who owns these things will be coming home here anymore.

      "I don't know if you ever noticed it," said Aya playfully, "that I always had a crush among your friends.  I think I changed my mind on who I wanted to marry every other day"  
      I looked at her, genuinely surprised.

      "Don't look at me like that!" she said with a laugh, a blush creeping up on her cheeks, "almost every girl around here liked at least one of you.  Do you think I'm abnormal?"

      I guess I just never thought about it.

      I watched as her hands ran along my wall, absently.

      "Ken was something else," she said, eyes misting a little, though her lips were curled in a smile.  "Always so nice, always so clumsy.  He looks after people, but couldn't look after himself, could he?"  
      I looked at my messy room.  Oh, yeah.

      "Thought I'd look after him this time.  He'll never know it, of course, but…maybe I'm doing this for myself" she said, her brows furrowing in thought.

      I laughed a little at that.  He knows, Aya-chan.  And he's eternally grateful.

      I walked over to the chair, and started gathering the dirty clothes.

      "What are you doing?" she asked, appalled.

      "This place needs cleaning up," I said, "Ken was a slob"

      Ran might not have wanted anyone to move anything.  But this was my lair.  These are my things.  

      Everything useful is going inside boxes and going to charity.  They surely aren't doing anyone any good lying around here.

      Cleaning up in my room was like packaging my life in boxes.

      Almost everything reminded me of something that I had liked about it.  The memories were overwhelming, and Aya, as if sensing somehow that this moment belonged to me alone, left me to fix the room myself.

      I didn't think I'd cry about my own death.  That seemed so damn self-absorbed.

      But I made that mistake of leafing through the photographs.

      I had made up my mind, hadn't I? I wasn't going to stay anymore. This was me, saying goodbye.

      The tears stopped, eventually, as they were wont to do, but I kept on packaging practically everything in sight.

      I was nearly through when Omi stopped by the door, looking thoughtfully at my handiwork, his bag still slung over one shoulder as he had just come home from school.

      "It's about time," he said quietly, "but I wish you waited for me.  I could have helped"

      There was an image of that in my mind.  My friends in my room, cleaning it of everything that had been me.  No, that would have been too much.  This was much better.  I just said goodbye and no one knew it but me.

      I looked around, noted that the room looked as if no one's ever lived there, save for the few things that I knew would be useless to charity and hadn't packed in.  That included various trophies, as well as framed photographs.  Even the bedcovers and the pillows have been boxed.

      Yoji appeared by the door too, and looked at the sight.

      I…Ran, I mean, must have looked like a sorry guy, sitting in the middle of boxes.

      "You okay?" Yoji asked, when I got up to my feet and shook out the cramps.

      I gave him a smile.  "Yes."

      And as inane as it might have sounded, I actually told him the truth.

      I was okay.  We all were.

      We had a nice dinner.  

      I found some money in my piggy bank when I was cleaning up my room and decided that pizza delivery tonight would be Ken's treat.

      Aya had stayed with us, and snuggled close to my arm as we sat through a video of the Blair Witch Project.

      When night came and I was alone, I decided I wouldn't sleep.

      I usually changed bodies come midnight, at the start of a new day.  And I wanted to be wide-awake at that point, so I would know exactly when I had changed.

      I blinked my eyes, and when they next opened, I was in that place again, with Mr. Angel Guy watching me.

      "I've decided I won't take over anyone," I told him at once.

      "I know"

      I laugh a bit.  "Well? I made the right, moral choice.  Isn't everything supposed to be fine now? Like I wake up and everything was a dream after all? Or you take me back to the time when I made my mistake so I can start over? That's what happens in the movies."

      "Sorry, but no," he told me with a slight, apologetic smile.

      "I thought so"

      "You've really made up your mind, huh?" he asked, puffing on his cigarette.

      "Yeah"

      "I think I've figured you out," he told me.

      "Yeah?"  
      "Yeah," he replied, "From the get-go you never agreed to this so you could replace anyone of them.  You worried me a bit, but I should have known you'd just take the opportunity to help 'em out"

      "About time you found out," I joked.  
      "Actually, I figured you out after that first one," he said, looking proud of himself.  
      "Then why did you let me keep going?"  
      "I just let you do whatever the hell you wanted."  
      "Aren't you supposed to watch your mouth?" I asked with a startled laugh.  
      "Hell, yeah"  
      A comfortable silence.

      "So…ah… what happens now?" I ask him.

      "I get you under my wing--"  
      "Cool.  An angel joke."  
      "--and train you to be one of us," he said, deliberately ignoring my remark, "I have a feeling you'll fit in just fine around here."

      "I think so too," I smirked, "At least…I'll be sure not to botch up my first mission, having a first-hand experience of the adverse effects" 

      He laughed, before looking a little thoughtful.

      "So.  What was it like?"

      "What?" I ask.  
      "Living.  Living again?"  
      "Surreal.  Both of 'em," I answer, "Kind of like this, but better, more precious.  That's because it won't last for very long so you do all sorts of things to make the short time worthwhile"

      "If you could come back, even for just a day, what would you do?" he asked me.

      "Come back as me?" I ask back.  
      "Yeah," he answers.

      "I guess most people would say goodbye properly, wouldn't they?"

      "But not you, huh?" he says, looking smug again.  Well, if I were that perceptive I'd be damn triumphant-looking all the time too.  
      "Nope, not me," I confirm, "I'll just come back and do what I've always done.  Wake up early and take a jog.  Have breakfast with my friends.  Man the shop for a few hours.  Ride my bike, go to an arcade, watch a game…though I'd hide out from the kids, of course, 'cos I'd freak them out.  I don't know about going on a mission, but…well.  I guess it was a pretty good life, after all.  Despite everything.  I think I may have found that out a little too late"

      "Maybe"

      "You gonna send me back?" I ask, holding my excitement.

      "For a day"

      "That's good," I say, smiling uncontrollably.  "But send me on a Sunday, so everyone's home"

      I did go back on a Sunday, and damn if I didn't stun my friends into wide-eyed, gaping-mouthed reactions.

      I just sat there when each of them came down to breakfast.

      They were, of course, wondering if they had lost their minds.  When I told them they hadn't and they finally believed me, they were filled with prying questions.

      When they asked me if I was the one who had caused them all these chaotic things they don't recall getting into, I told them that…ahem…it's a long story and we don't have much time.

      True to what I had said, I spent the day doing exactly what I've grown accustomed to.  But more restrained, of course, as there were people who would not have understood nor accepted my return from the dead as my friends did.

      It was the best day of my life, and it was in doing something I've always done.  That's the funny part.  Maybe it's just a state of mind after all.

      The three of them stayed up with me until midnight came and I had to leave them a second time, but I felt a whole lot better this time around, and I'm sure so did they. 

      I returned to Heaven and trained to be an angel… it sounds a little crazy, but believe me it was no walk in the park, and I've been told it only gets more hectic the moment I'm given someone to look after.  But I did have a chance to look into Earth once in awhile.  Mostly to go see what my teammates have been doing.

      I was there when Yoji was in a panic attack over what to wear and where to take Yuriko out for that fateful second date; a rare occurrence for the flamboyant playboy.  I was there when Omi got caught two-timing twins, which was something he didn't really mean to do, except he couldn't tell them apart.  I was there when Ran and Aya-chan had another spat, this time because he didn't like her perspective prom date.  I watch over them once in awhile when they go on missions too.  But mostly when they aren't.  

      I'm ver happy to see that they now have things to live for, and that a lot of them have come from me.  But I do think that I'm the real lucky one…they gave me something that was so great I was willing to die for it.

      Themselves.

      Friends, that is.

      If you don't know what I'm talking about, I wish to God you'll find out soon.

      There's nothing in the universe that could make living--or dying too, for that matter, more worthwhile than that.

**THE END**

October 13, 2000

This is the first fic I ever posted (note: not the first I ever wrote for weiss kreuz), so it may have less of a quality than the others that would follow it, for which I apologize.  But it has a lot of heart, and I hope that at least got through :) thank you for reading :) 

NOTES:

     Did that seem somewhat anticlimactic? Sorry.  But, well, my mind was in a rush as I just got a new idea and wanted to finish this one.  If there are any grammatical errors, sorry, I get like that when I write whatever pops into my head.  If anyone spots any plot holes, please tell me.  And tell me what you think!

      The line about a person not dying all at once came from the film "Simon Birch."  That, as well as that part where I wrote Ken as wanting to be wide-awake so he could spot the exact moment when he had changed, which was a modified version of another thing said in that movie, about wanting to remember all the details of the day so he would know when exactly his life had changed.

      The smoking angel was inspired by a smoking angel from a film called "We Never Danced."  My nameless angel looks nothing like that one, though.

      The plot was inspired by two other films: the plot of a Mandarin (I think) film called "Fly Me To Polaris" and a Warren Beaty film which could have been entitled "Heaven Can Wait."  I integrated all the parts that I liked about them all to make what is "The Breath of God."

      The title means two things: first, the Breath of God is law, the way that things are supposed to be.  The Bible also uses the term frequently to refer to the soul.

      I'm sorry if some people may find some things not quite right about the characterization, but I do hope it's a reasonably good read.

      Also, I had to put a touch of humanity here with the characters.  Like, Ken wasn't completely noble as he nearly wanted to take over Yoji.  I guess I couldn't believe that a hero was a hero until he is met by a great challenge.  I mean, I keep thinking back that even the invincible superman has his kryptonite, right? Its like, how could a person be brave if he has no fears to face?

      Oh, and Yoji who was feeling all bad and everything eventually gave into going for his own happiness, which is why, despite his earlier guilt, went for Yuriko anyway.

      What Ken said about the best day of his life was in doing something he has always done and that kind of happiness being a state of mind is something I truly believe in.  A novel by Lois McMaster Bujold says that "Meaning is what you give to things, not what you take from them."  If you perceive your life as something great, then just maybe it is.

      Apart from those movies, several things inspired me into writing this, and if you want that poignant post-movie feeling when the credits start to roll, I suggest you listen to Plumb's "Stranded," and if you can tear your mind away from "Space Jam," long enough, Monica's "For You I will."  I get taken by stuff like that.

      If there are any questions, I would love to answer them.  And comments are always welcome!  


End file.
